We Are Broken
by gallavichlover
Summary: When the worst thing happens to you, where do you go next?
1. Oh, Take Me Back To The Start

IAN'S POV

_"Mickey? What are you doing here?"_

_"You think I would go through with the wedding firecrotch?" He smiles and his eye's shimmer in the sunlight._

_"I - I thought we were done."_

_"I love you, so you are fucking stuck with me."_

__Ian woke up, sweating. He jerked up, making the melted peas fall of of his pillow and hit the floor. It was all a dream. He winced in pain after his realization, his face throbbing harder than when he fell asleep. He looked at the time, it was only 4:15am. Sighing, he tried laying back down. Ian Gallagher had never felt more alone in his life.

After everything happened with Terry, Ian wanted to give Mickey his space. He saw his face that day, he knew how torn up he was. It never really hit Ian that this was it. He would never laugh with Mickey, he would never catch him looking at him and smiling, he would never feel his lips pressed against his, and he would never feel the pure bliss that he felt when he entered him. It was over - they were over.

He felt another tear fall down his cheek. The salt from the tear burning on his wounds. The pain felt welcoming, it felt better than the sadness that was weighing on his soul. He closed his eyes; images of his dream still bouncing in his head. Of course, that's all it was. Just a dream. He would never hear those words from Mickey, and now he was losing him - he had lost him.

Ian grabbed onto his pillow tighter. It was all Terry's fault, all because he couldn't let his son be happy. Ian saw something in Mickey that no one else did, and in doing so Mickey let him in further than he had ever let anyone else. Ian had lost his lover and his best friend, and nobody new the wiser

Fiona woke him up far too soon. Of course she questioned him about his face.

"What the fuck, Ian? What happened?"

"I caught some duchebag robbing the store, I tired to stop him."

Ian brushed it off like it was nothing. Deep down the pain was still there, cutting him. Grabbing his bag, Ian took off for school. Not bothering to wait on Lip or Mandy. He didn't feel like being apart of their drama today.

School went by like a blur, the only thing on Ian's mind was Mickey. The whore he was marrying, and the fact that he missed Mickey's smile. That fucking smile. The one that gave Ian butterflies. He noticed a few people stare at his face, but it wasn't uncommon in this school. So most people couldn't give a shit. Ian wanted to punch something, to tell everyone to fuck off. But he couldn't, because he didn't even know what to say to himself.

Ian found himself on the rooftop after school, their rooftop. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Yelling as loud as he could "I FUCKING LOVE YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" He threw a few pieces of wood against the wall, before sitting down. His whole world was crashing down, and this time he was not in control to stop it. He knew one thing - he had to get the fuck out of this town. He couldn't walk home with out seeing somewhere where him and Mickey hung out or fucked or stole glances.

If he stayed here, he would lose his mind. No Ian knew what he had to do - and there was one person who could help him.

**Mickey's POV**

There he was getting wasted once again. It wasn't even noon yet, but fuck it. Now the only happiness he found was the numbness that came from the empty bottle. His life was over. Not that he gave a fuck, I mean Mickey was fucked for life as soon as he entered this shitty ass world. But Gallagher, fucking Gallagher man, gave him hope that there was something out there other than this shithole.

Mickey coughed, trying to keep the tears from falling. He hadn't cried this much his whole fucking life. The first time he cried was after the Russian and Ian left. He stood in the shower punching the wall, letting the scolding hot water flow down his back. He had never cried that hard in his life. Not when his mom died, not when his father beat him when he was drunk. This time it wasn't just his pain that was hurting him, it was fucking Firecrotch's. The look on his face was something that was now seared into Mickey's mind, haunting him everytime he closes his eyes.

Mickey wouldn't admit to the world that he was in love with Ian. Unless he wanted to sign his death wish. He remembers the exact moment he figured it out. He was headed to kill Frank, he was so fucking close to pulling the trigger, but there went Ian's face in his mind, the sadness in his eyes and his pleas for him to stop.

"_I – I don't want you to…"_

That was it. He spent his months in juive on his best behavior, trying to get time shaved off of his sentence so he could be back with the Gallagher boy. Mickey took the final swig of his liquor, throwing the bottle out into the field. He had been sitting out here for a few hours, not wanting to face reality and not wanting to be anywhere Ian could find him.

Not that he thought Ian would go looking for him. Not after what he did. He doesn't fucking blame him though. Mickey tells himself he did it for Ian, so Ian would stop wanting him – stop loving him. He knew though, with every swig he took of the bottle, that he would never forgive himself. A tear fell down his cheek as he thought to Ian laying on the ground whimpering.

"FUCK!" Mickey fucking Milkovich does not cry. So his life is shitty, so he fucking lost the only person who had ever given him hope. What the fuck was he going to do about it? He couldn't be with Ian, or Terry would kill them both. If you can't fix something, you have to stand it. This was his lot in life, married to some whore working at some dead end job. At least he knew what love was when he had it, and at least he wasn't too much of a pussy to let it go when he needed too.

He walked – more like stumbled back home – not before stopping by the roof, their roof. He heard someone shouting, so he crept up quietly. He looked down to see a broken and brusied Ian looking like he was at his breaking point. Every part of his body yearned to go down there and hold him.

That's when it hit him, hit like a fucking unavoidable train. He couldn't fucking go through with this wedding. He needed Ian as much as he needed air to live. He knew the one person who could help him – and Mickey couldn't get there fast enough.


	2. It's Not Over

**Ian's POV**

Ian arrived at the apartment. He felt uncomfortable just standing there, the neighborhood was nice – he had even passed a few ladies walking their dog down the street. It wasn't what he was used to, it wasn't the familiarity of his neighborhood, the same neighborhood that now haunted his dreams every night. Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door. Listening intently he heard some rustling around, and then saw a familiar face come to the door.

"Well if it isn't Red. I thought your boyfriend wouldn't allow you to come back and see me?"

_Boyfriend._ The word made Ian physically flinch.

"I need help leaving town. Can you do that – or not?"

He knew he was being harsh, but he couldn't help it. The heaviness on his heart seemed to mask any goodness that he had left in him, besides Lloyd was just a filler for Mickey anyway, and now he was just another reminder of what he had lost.

"Hold on now. What do you mean leave town? What did you do?"

Ian had to hand it to him. I mean he looked genuinely worried, Ian just didn't give a fuck about any of that right now.

"I didn't do anything. I just – I just want to get out of here. I need enough money to get me sat up in an apartment until I can take my GED then enlist."

Ian didn't care about West Point anymore, he just wanted to leave. He knew that Lip and Fiona would be disappointed in him, but honestly that didn't even worry him anymore. He was numb to everything. He just wanted to be miles away from here, from the pain, and even from the good memories.

Lloyd looked at Ian, then a cocky smile danced across his lips.

"Sure Red. But what's in it for me?"

Ian knew what he wanted. At this point he didn't care, if it meant a way out of this shithole then fine. Lloyd wasn't that bad of a fuck. He wasn't Mickey, though. Ian looked at him with a blank expression before entering the apartment and following Lloyd into the bedroom. Ian tore of his clothes as fast as he could, with Lloyd following close behind. He braced himself above him, entering him slowly. It felt foreign. Even though they had had sex countless of times before, it never gave Ian the same rush it did with Mickey. With Mickey his whole body become's electrified, with Mickey's moan's pulling him close to the edge every time the escaped his lips. With Mickey he would actually have to focus on not releasing so fast, because he wanted it to last longer. With Mickey the mere thought of him made him ready to go. Now here he was, thrusting into Lloyd and feeling dirty. He closed his eyes and pictured Mickey, pictured his blissful smile after he let his release go, picturing that was the only thing that made Ian release with Ned.

When it was over, Ian quickly got his clothes back on and Lloyd laid in bed.

"I missed that Red."

Ian threw a grunt in his direction, because he didn't want to lie. He really hadn't thought about Lloyd at all since Mickey got shot.

"So, are you going to help me?"

Lloyd smiled. "Sure, since you just helped me. Come see me on Friday. I will give you $4,000. That should get you through until then."

"Thanks." Ian left. Taking a deep breath before he headed back down the street. This was it. Friday was in three days, so that means he had three days to days goodbye to his family. Three days until he could finally leave Mickey behind. Now – for the first time since what happened at the warehouse. Ian wasn't think about Mickey, but how he would tell Fiona.

**Mickey's POV**

Mickey waited on Mandy after school. She was his only shot left to fix this. He had been playing around with how to get her to help without actually telling her everything. That he was in love with Ian Gallagher.

"Hey assface, your whore ass fiancée isn't sitting in there is she."

Mickey didn't responded, the word fiancée gutted him.

"What's wrong with you?"

Mickey bit his lip. "Nothing. I just need your help with something alright."

Mandy's eyes narrowed. "With what? If it's another drug run count me out, I don't need the cash right now."

Mickey rolled his eyes. "No. Will you just shut the fuck up and listen. Uh – have you seen Gallagher around?"

Mandy raised her eyebrow. "No. Why? Are you the one who beat him up, because I swear to fucking god Mickey – "

"No! Well, yea. Listen I just need to know where he is alright. I need to – I just need to talk him."

"Fuck Mickey! Why did you fucking beat him up for? I fucking swear you are an asshole. What the fuck did he ever do to you? Do you know how fucked up his face looks? When will you ever learn not to be a complete jackass –"

"Shut the fuck up! I need to apologize to him!"

Mandy stopped mid-sentence. "Since when do you apologize to people?"

Mickey sighed. "Can you just fucking tell me where he is at or not?"

Mandy shrugged her shoulders. "Fuck if I know. I am going to head over there later though."

"Can you tell him I am looking for him, and too met me on the roof tomorrow?"

She looked at him weirdly again. "Sure. Whatever."

Mickey just stood there as she passed. He wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted her to know why he did it, and that it haunts him every night. But how could he tell her when he couldn't even tell Ian? He missed him, it was like a part of him was missing when Ian wasn't around. It was time for him to drown his life in the bottom of yet another bottle, and he wished that Ian would show up tomorrow, and that he wouldn't be too much of a pussy to tell him the truth.


End file.
